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Smiley With Flower

Yea, life.

I guess I'm having my quarter-life crisis.

I feel as though I have so far to go to be the person I want to be. That is depressing. However, it makes me feel better that I'm not alone. All of my friends have expressed the need to be better than they are.

It's funny how we people in our mid-twenties compare ourselves to each other and think we don't measure up. If all of us feel this way, who in the world are we NOT adding up to? It befuddles me that we can zero on on the small subset of people who are getting married or have their crap together and compare ourselves to that.

Besides, all those people who I looked at and said they were getting married? Most of them are now getting divorced. Maybe they didn't have all their crap together after all.

I'm just tired of all this pressure. I always feel this pressure to be married or successful or thin or...one hundred different things. It's to the point where I can't even distinquish between self-drive (i. e. personal pressure) or pressure from external forces. Am I forcing all of these expectations on myself? I don't think so, but maybe.

I just wish I could do the wrong things sometime and not have to worry about not being responsible. Sometimes, we do the wrong thing because we make a mistake. Other times, we do the wrong thing because we want to do it and we accept the consequences. I feel like I hardly ever do what I want to do; I only do the right thing. And it is draining.

For once, I was able to let all of the responsibility and pressure go and do something horribly irresponsible. For once, I didn't feel guilty about it.

That is the story of last weekend. And that's all you need to know :)

Comments

I think you are great and amazing and you have the shit that YOU want together, Fuck everyone else.

Thank you :)

Ditto to you, too. I'm overly demanding with myself, I guess.

Re: Thank you :)

Everyone is, otherwise no one would ever do anything. Things could always always be worse or you could not be doing what you want. You're in grad school you have a kick ass job, you're happy and fullfilled in your faith what more could anyone want from you or could you want from yourself.

Re: Thank you :)

I don't know. You ever get the feeling that something's missing though. I feel like an ingrate sometimes, expecting perfection in an imperfect world. But that's just what it is. And not just me. Those types of feelings are perpetuated by lots of people (not you, though ;). Particularly my weight and my love life. Most of the time, I'm perfectly fine with myself. I love myself and, to hell with everyone else, I think I'm beautiful. But some people constantly tell me how I need to lose weight or how I NEED a man and it gets to me sometimes. Not in a "oh no, the sky is falling!" sort of way, but more of a "maybe they have a point" kind of way.

Re: Thank you :)

Please, I feel that way all the time. You have friends and a rockin' social life. When the real Mr. Right comes along great, and until then there is Mr. Right Now- and don't get me started on the weight thing. You are far from being a tub o'lard and as long as you're healthy nothing else matters. Feeling inadequate is normal occasionally as long as there are significantly more up days than down. You'll get what you want when you are truly truly ready for it and societal ideas about when that is have nothing to do with anything except making us all crazy and freak out.

In other words, they don't have a point.
For once, I was able to let all of the responsibility and pressure go and do something horribly irresponsible. For once, I didn't feel guilty about it.

Good for you!!! For some people, being irresponsible just comes naturally. For people like me and you, it's something we've got to work at, but it's worth it. LOL! ;)

I know...

I always feel like I can never do any wrong. Well, why not?

Well I'm glad

... and curious what you did *smirk*. I hope you tell us (read: ME) soon.

I really identified with your post and followed up with one of my own.

Re: Well I'm glad

I think I'll keep that little tidbit to myself...for now anyway.

I'm glad you identified with it.